VERGE OF NOTHING
by PammieOmana
Summary: Amy decided to confront Sheldon about her assumption that Sheldon and Penny might have a relationship. But what will happen if Sheldon affirmed it? Will their "relationship of the mind" change? Please read and review


**What I Have here is an angsty fic. I know some of you don't like SHAMY angst themed fic but I can't help it. This idea can't get out of my mind.**

**Let me know what you think about this.. Review is very much appreciated.**

**VERGE OF NOTHING**

That evening, Amy was sitting on her couch waiting for the arrival of his friend. She still can't believe that after all these years, the man that she thought would be hers would be in the arms of another woman. Looking back to all the memories they've shared, there was a part of her that knew they would end up together. It was almost perfect. She knew it.

Being with Sheldon Cooper was a breath of fresh air for her. His presence made her life colorful and fun to her monochromatic and monotonous life. Their exchange of ideas and information was something that she's fond of. It made her more productive in her work that resulted numerous achievements on her part. Their **_relationship of the mind_** was something that none of their friends could comprehend. They said that they should bring it on the next level. But they were at ease with their bond and wouldn't like to make some modifications.

Things were going smoothly between the two of them until something happened, He changed. She didn't know what triggered this abrupt change and was very afraid to ask him about that. She couldn't afford to lose his best friend. Slowly, without her knowing he was drifting away from her. From the frequent video call and texting, it became thrice a week, then once a week, until he just video chat her whenever he wanted. He also lose interest to spend some time with her like going to the zoo or the museum. Even playing counterfactuals with her! She really didn't know what to do. She tried to ask him if there was a problem. Sheldon just politely said that there was none. She knew he's lying. She knows Sheldon than anyone else.

Amy as optimistic as she was tried to regain and salvage their relationship by making him busy with their usual activities. She asked him to go on a date with her. She also asked him to go to Texas with her because she wanted to see his family and friends. That they are going to ride the train. She even tried to befriend his sister Missy and ask for some tips on how to handle her stubborn friend.

Sheldon accepted all her invitations, but the energy and enthusiasm that was once in him was missing. During the trip, Amy could only see him tapping on his phone. Whenever she asked him something, he was at lost. When they were at his house, Sheldon was acting strangely. She knows something is going on. She needed to find out what was it.

That last night they were in Texas was the worst night of her life. She came to Sheldon's room to talk to him for a while when she overheard him talking on the phone.

"I know, I love you, Penny" She saw him smiling.

Then it hit her. Sheldon loves Penny. Sheldon, his friend loves her bestie….Penny. She thought that time she was going to collapse. She mustered all her strength and slowly, quietly she closed the door.

Dr. Sheldon Cooper doesn't want her. He's been avoiding her because he was spending time with someone. Another girl, but not an ordinary girl. He was spending most of his time now with Penny.

Penny, her bestie. She is the girl who taught her how to enjoy her life and to be carefree. The same girl who rooted for her and Sheldon to become a couple. Her Bestie.. Her friend…Now Sheldon's apple of the eye. Sheldon's girlfriend.

How can she get mad on her? She doesn't have the right to be mad, does she? She also knew for a fact that she can't get mad on Sheldon. They don't have a romantic relationship. She is not his girlfriend. She is just a friend. She is not Penny.

But it hurts, there is no way she could appease her feelings. She felt betrayed. Betrayed by her own emotions. She wanted to say foul things on them. For making her feel like this. For breaking her. For breaking her heart. There were many things going on her mind right now. But she didn't know how to handle it appropriately.

She felt that as his friend, he needed to hear what she has to say. That they should be honest with each other. She had decided to come clean with him.

Then she heard his signature knock on her door. She opened it. She saw Sheldon, wearing his flash t shirt, with his usual mailman satchel.

"Amy" Sheldon said.

Looking at him right now, she knew it was now or never.

"Come in" she said timidly.

Sheldon went inside and sat on his usual spot on Amy's couch

"Would you like to have some beverage, perhaps a chamomile tea?" She said. Mustering her strength to sound at ease with him.

"Yes, thank you"

She made him tea. She just looked at him, observing his actions. He just simply sat there waiting for his tea. Before, when he was at her apartment, he would tell something that would entice her mind to join him in an exchange of ideas. But things had changed. He no longer wanted to have that kind of conversation with her. It was all because of his affection to her bestie. After a minute, the tea was ready and then gave it to him. She sat on the other side of the couch as he sipped his tea.

"What is it that you would want to talk about, Amy?" He said starting the conversation.

Amy felt cold, she didn't know how she would answer him.

"Are you ok Amy?" Sheldon asked again looking worried. "Maybe you are ill because of this cold weather we are having in Pasa-"

"No, I am not ok, Sheldon" She said, looking down.

Sheldon was puzzled. He doesn't know why Amy was acting strange lately.

"Then tell me, maybe I could help you" He sounded concern. He sat closely to her. Looking at her watchfully.

Closing her eyes, taking a deep breath, she said this "Sheldon, do you have a special affection for Penny?" still looking down, she felt as if her soul was about to get out of her body. She was not ready to hear his answer. She might faint.

**_No, be strong Amy, Sheldon would never tell a lie to you, you are his friend. Be strong Fowler! _**She thought to herself.

Deafening silence filled up the room. The silence made her more nervous. Slowly, tears rolled down her cheeks. She tried to simply wipe it. Trying her best for Sheldon not to see her in this state.

She felt Sheldon sighed, and cleared his throat. "Yes, I do have affection for Penny".

Amy felt a sudden thud. Her heartbeat racing. Her mind was spinning with the absorption of this new information.

**_He affirmed it. It's a fact. He likes Penny._**

Tears continued to fell from her eyes. She held her hands together, gathering strength from it. Without looking at him, she asked him again.

"Do you love her?" This time she mustered courage to look at him in his eyes. Now their eyes met. She could see something in his eyes. His blue eyes were showing signs of sadness, guilt.

"Sheldon, I am asking you, do you love her?" she said it as if it was a whisper.

"Yes, I do love Penny" Sheldon said it while looking at her eyes. He then took her hand and clasped it with his.

Sobs escaped through her. She can't control her tears to fall. She looked helpless in front of him. But she was now tired in controlling this emotion. She needed to release it.

Sheldon didn't know how he would handle his friend's sudden outburst of emotion. By instinct, he gave her a sad look and cajoled her "Amy, I know I didn't tell you about this because I know you will be hurt." Holding her hands tightly, he continued. "I am sure you will find a guy who will love you too. We both know you are worth something"

Amy felt like she was at rage. She couldn't believe Sheldon would say something like that to her. She knew that this pain was blocking her logical mind but she can't take it anymore.

"You tell me I am worth something. However, there is simply nothing to prove". A black hole that contains the ends of eternal darkness wraps around her realm.

Sheldon was lost for words It pained him to see Amy like this.. He just looked down and felt guilty for his actions.

" How often I wish I can live outside this tangible form and free myself from all the miseries that are imposing sharp knives into my heart" Tiny particles of salty tears fell down to confirm the weakness that builds its domain inside her. She was crying now, looking at him. "I tried to brushed these tears off because I am mortified by this cold and crisp droplets which can't even unleash the pain lost somewhere in my system." Her body was shuddering.

"And now you tell me I am worth something."

"Amy, do not lose hope, I know I don't believe in such, but after being with Penny, She made me grasped a lot of things. I realized that it is not bad to hope, to dream about something. In fact—" He was cut off by Amy.

"But what is there to dream on, Sheldon? Do you even know what you are talking about?" she said it accusing him. "What is in tomorrow that waits for my existence?"

Sheldon's mind was whirling. He couldn't understand why Amy was behaving that way. Sheldon just looked down not letting go of his hands on her.

"How often do I have wear a fake smile from the never-ending ache that embraces me with its disgusting cloak? How often do I have to let go of every little thing that may mean everything to me?" She looked at him. Pain was evident in her eyes.

**_I can't let you go Sheldon, I can't. _**

"Sheldon, I knew it all along. I overheard your conversation with Penny when we were in Texas. I was afraid to ask you about this and assumed that maybe you would open this topic to me, since I was your best friend. I was optimistic that you will later convey me about this. Even for Penny, I was hoping she would talk to me and say something about it. But none of you cared. You left me on the verge of nothing. You kept this secret relationship from me.

"Amy, we never intended to keep this from you, believe me. We just thought that it wasn't time."

**_Everything is a lie. And everything is nothing._**

Her mind went into split second trance and she became lost in her own thoughts.

Outside the rain pours endlessly like mad souls being thrown down from heaven. Banned and rejected.

**_Will I be one, too?_**

Sheldon looked at her eyes, his mind was still in shock. He must appease her feeling. He mustn't let Amy drown into this abyss of loneliness.

"Amy, I don't know how I will make you feel better. But, as my mother always say, Tomorrow will be better than today", He suddenly hugged her. Trying to make a simple gesture for her good friend who was in pain.

**_Amy needs comfort. _**he thought to himself.

"Sheldon, I love you." She said it in between sobs. She needed to tell him her true feelings.

Sheldon was breathless on the confession he just heard. It was a truth he didn't know how to respond.

There was silence. None of them wanted to say anything. As if they were contemplating on the last statement Amy just said.

"I love you Sheldon. Being with you was the best thing that happened in my life. I felt contented just being with you. Now, hearing the truth from you, I won't deny that I was deeply hurt.

"Amy, I didn't know" Sheldon just said. He was still lost for words. This was too fast for him.

No response from Amy. Silence once again filled the room.

"And now you tell me tomorrow will be better than today" Amy said, breaking the silence. She was still sobbing, looking down, and burying her face on Sheldon's chest.

"But today has not much of a difference from yesterday. And yesterday was the same as yesterday's yesterday. Everything is simply the proud replica of one another, and it goes around in a Ferris wheel of old lies and hidden truths. Up and down. Back and forth. All going in circles.

"Amy, why are you feeling this way?"… Sheldon just said. He wasn't sure it those were the right words to say to her. "You can't be in love with me, can you?" his eyes were longing for an answer.

Amy looked up on him and met his gaze, trying to find the right words to him. She simply said "Am I not allowed to love you, Sheldon? Did our relationship of the mind state that one should avoid to have a romantic affection to the other half?"

**_ And now you ask me why I feel this way?_**

This was too much for her to handle, she felt all her energy being drained with his words.

**_"_**And now you ask me why I feel this way?Because everything has become nothing when you realized what the world you live in is not the world you should be in. Everything is all wrong."

"That's absurd! Don't talk like that Amy, It's not the end of the world. It's just a feeling. You can suppress it if you want to!" He said comforting her to the best of his ability. Little did he know that he just made it worse.

Amy let go of his hand. Looking at his grief stricken face made her sadder. She composed herself and took a deep breath. She wiped the tears that were still rolling down her cheeks. She sat up straight.

"Sheldon, I think this outpour of emotion will do you no good in your relationship with Penny. So I am going to propose something" She said, without blinking her eyes. Sheldon sat up straight and looked at her, listening intently to what she's going to say.

"Since you affirmed that you and Penny have a romantic relationship. I am requesting for our relationship of the mind to be nullified.

"Amy, our relationship will have no effect whatsoever over my relationship with Penny. Therefore, there is no use for us to nullify our so called relationship of the mind." He retorted.

"You don't understand a thing Sheldon. I know what you mean, but I should protect myself from all the hurt. I need to salvage my feelings"

"Can we think of ways on how to avoid you to feel hurt?" Sheldon asked her hoping there was a way.

But Amy just shook her head. "There is no way I can't get hurt"

Sheldon was deep in his thought. He was trying to find ways to amend this problem with her friend.

"Sheldon, it's better for all of us. I mean it. I guess we should take this situation in a mature manner and act accordingly"

Now Sheldon was not feeling good about how this conversation was going.

"I guess you're right"

"So do you agree that our relationship will be nullified?" She said in a sad tone

"Agreed" he said in a low voice. He hugged Amy tightly, pouring his emotion towards her loyal friend. Amy was stumped and decided not to over think and just gave Sheldon a hug.

**_Amy, do not crumple in front of him, Be strong, You are a tough woman, Fowler!_**

"Amy, thank you for being a true friend" Sheldon said a little while.

Amy smiled painfully.

.

* * *

Ok, that was too much angst i know. I can't help it. maybe it's because of the weather.

I hope that you will review this story. I need it to improve my writing ability. Please let me know what you think, ok? =))


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